The two gods stared down through the gaps in the clouds. Far below the shape of a white minibus could be seen wending its merry way through the country lanes. "Looks like you've lost the game Beelzebub, they're almost at the hostel and in for a hassle free weekend." "Not quite, my good lady Fortuna, I have one more card to play - it's a trump card, there's no way they can handle this". A large, six fingered, hairy brown hand, dropped the card face down on the table. Fortuna, with much trepidation, carefully turned the card over, and gave a gasp of surprise, when she recognised the hideous face depicted on it. "Oh, no - not the Warden of Capel y Ffin Youth Hostel - you evil sod!"
The minibus pulled up outside the Youth Hostel, the doors flew open and we all piled out & into the building. That was when we had our first encounter with "The Warden from Hell". Bald, festooned with ear-rings, and wearing a droopy walrus moustache, he bore an uncanny resemblance to one of the dancers from The Village People, the Construction Worker, in fact. (Not that I'm implying he was a Shirtlifter or anything...). Irritation No. 1: We all had to sign in individually, it wasn't acceptable to book us in en masse even though we all arrived at the same time, and have done that at other more amenable youth hostels. Irritation No. 2: We all had to use specific beds in the youth hostel's dormitory, but that didn't stop Mr sparrow from infiltrating a quieter area of the dorm (away from Steve's snoring). Irritation No. 3: Strictly no drinking accept with meals. He also told us that he didn't agree with alcohol in youth hostels. Dave & John H were given a bollocking for quietly sitting outside drinking a can of beer each! Irritation No. 4: No food or drink in the dorms as it attracts mice (heaven help the member's kitchen then). Steve's turn for a telling off on that regard. Irritation No. 5: Drinking his tea in the common room D.I was told he would have to move the minibus off the hostel grounds immediately as it was causing a blockage for emergency vehicles. No it wasn't - it was parked to the side of the road in a cul-de-sac! Not only that but the hostel was so remote that by the time any emergency vehicles made it to the hostel, D.I. would have been able to give the minibus a full service, T-cut and Wax in situ, then move it. Irritation No. 6: We were turfed out of the common room at 11.30 bang on, despite the fact that we didn't arrive 'til almost 11.00 due to traffic. Some people had only just made their cups of tea, when turfed out. Irritation No. 7: The coup de grace - D.I was summoned from the dorm as we were about to go to bed and told that the group's behaviour was unacceptable - any more and we would be out on our ears!
Saturday broke our slumbers - the warden seemed slightly better today. We were only told off for not putting tablemats under all cups & teapots on the tables! Saturday's walk involved going NW from the hostel to Lord Hereford's Knob (the person who called this 690m summit that was either very naive or sex mad - it is left to the reader to decide). After admiring the phallus shaped cairn on top, and withdrawing from the knob, we came across another summit of 713m (unnamed), with large patches of snow nearby. A quick snow fight ensued, during which Siobahn came off rather badly (ask Steve for details). After getting fed up with the high winds (which reduced the air temp from a chilly 12C to a biting 5C), we dropped down into a valley near the Grwyne Reservoir. At this point the group split into two (what a surprise!): those who wished to avoid walking two sides of a triangle by not traipsing across the reservoir's dam, and the others who I suspect weren't aware that those behind them had forked off for a short-cut, and so continued on to the reservoir. All re-united later on we came across a small monastery, which you weren't supposed to enter, as it was supposedly unsafe. Fortunately there was a back way in, so I got a good butchers at a rather nice floor mosaic which wasn't fully visible externally. Passing through the village of Capel Y Ffin, Pippa made friends with a woman's very old sheepdog, which went for her at first, but became more placid when the owner brought her to heel (the dog that is not Pippa!). After the final slog up a stretch of tarmac we were back at the hostel. I think you-know-who must have been popping Valiums all day, as he was much more relaxed upon our return, almost friendly!
Steve got to work almost immediately on the Group's evening Indian meal. A big mound of chopped vegetables., garlic bulbs, coriander, prawns, chicken, tins of Spam, instructional videos by Madhur Jaffrey, industrial gauntlets, thermal lances, protective eye goggles, and members of the St Johns Ambulance on standby, were all noticed in abundance. Meanwhile D.I. very kindly offered to drive the minibus to the nearest pub - the Half Moon, which was over 3 miles away. Two pints of Bull Mastif's Sunofabitch (6%) and my aching limbs were nicely anaesthetised, as well as my stomach walls washed down in preparation for Steve's culinary delights. We ate at about 8.30ish. Prawn & Coriander soup for starters. The general consensus was that it was excellent. That was followed by big dishes of Prawn & Chicken based dishes, which were quickly gobbled down. Desert was a brill cheesecake made by one of Steve's mates. I think everyone agreed the meal was a success - the warden was also conspicuous by his absence, although I think his ears were wagging, as he kept popping out of his hatch every time a witty was cracked at his expense.
Sunday, it was decided would be a touristy day, so we went to Hay-on-Wye to look round the 40 odd bookshops for which the place is famed. John H bought a most interesting book detailing calories used in all aspects of sexual activity. Excepts were read aloud in the minibus on the way back home to everyone's amusement, and I think the laughter was a fitting finale to a superb weekend, enjoyed by everyone (except the warden).
Mark H.